trippin on my cullens
by skittleAcullen
Summary: take one bipolar girl who is funny as ever her bf who is off his pills their friends the amazing skittles and put them in charge of the cullens comedy is ensured twilight normal charcter with two added charcters lol me an mike WOOO
1. Chapter 1

**me: IF I RULED TWILIGHT **

**jasper: dont even start you wont get that far**

**me (tear) fine i own nuthin **

**emmett: you own the plot **

**me: that makes me feel better TO THE VAMPS**

E pov

I walked into the house. I had come home early. I left my wife with my brothers Emmet and jasper and their new friends Alexis and Mike err rather our old friend newest family member. It was very quiet even for a house full of vampires "bella, jasper Emmet, mike? I said

" How dare he not call my name" I heard in some ones thoughts.

"Alexis?" I said chuckling I felt something hit me on the back of the head I turned around to pick the small object off the ground it was… a red skittle

"What in the-"

"TASTE THE RAINBOW"

"O god"

Prougle (a year earlier)

B pov

Jasper and me Emmet were sitting on the couch. The rest of the family had gone hunting and Jacob and nessie were in Reo (lol breaking dawn). We were sitting at home because we were expecting one of jakes friends to stop by her name was Alex or Alexis one of the two.

"Im bored." Emmet said

"What do you want us to do about that?" jasper asked

"I don't –OH EM GEEEEE." Emmett squealed like a girl

"What?" I asked

"Lets make cookies," he said hopping up and down

"Ummm Emmett you do know that we cant eat cookies right?" jasper said sounding concerned for his brothers sanity

" I KNO THAT im not dumb I meant we could make some cookies for jakes human friend coming by later." I shivered recalling an old human memory where Emmett made me cookies. He decided to add a little something that humans like including: monster, red bull, vodka and a couple other unmentionables. I was still thinking about when I heard the door bell ring

" BELLA SWAN err I MEAN BELLA CULLEN COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" a voice yelled from my front door I threw a glance at my bros jasper looked confused Emmett looked curious.

"What did you do?" he asked

" I don't know," I answered

" WHAT FER?" emmet yelled I shook my head he was at least 90 years old and he couldn't even speak right.

" FOR MOVING, GETTING MARRIED, HAVING A BABY, TRUNING INTO A VAMPIRE the door opened then **AND NOT TELLING HER BEST FRIEND A THING ABOUT IT!**" the girl screeched the end part trying to sound angry but the giant smile on her face gave her away. I was dazed for a second this girl looked so familiar it took a half a second before I screamed out

"ALEXIS!!!!" I ran at her and she ran at me we were both screaming. I couldn't believe it was her I haven't seen her since I moved to forks so long ago. I took a step back

"Omg" I gasped from the lack of breathe, " when did you become a vampire?"

"Maybe a year after you moved away." she had a face that told me she was gonna start her story " when you moved out a sexy slice of southern wonderful moved in," she cast a glance at jasper then back to me I glanced at him to the look on his face was amusing it was like shock mixed with smug lol I looked back to alexis

" I could tell what he was the moment he walked in to the school. I didn't let him know at first im not dumb all I need was to die at 16"

" Girl please," I interrupted " you were more klutzy than me you didn't need any help"

"Shut it swan" she giggled

" Clumsier than bella I would love to see that!" Emmett laughed

Alexis looked at him " do you want me to finish or what?" she asked we didn't respond

"That's what I thought anyway he had a thing about him he expected me to do everything for him. Like carry his books buy his lunch you know things like that. I did for the first two days. I wanted to be nice he was kinda quiet but he was so fru fru I guess. He had the arrogance of a leader a major in the army one might say." she glanced at jasper again but was still talking

"I kinda felt like a slave" she glanced at jasper again "I freaked on him the third day and he screwed up he, screamed out

" Don't yell at me I fought and died for the right to push _your kind_ around"

" That's when I broke down I was upset I started to cry he felt really bad about it he apologized for the comment and said that he need to stop acting like were in the 1860's. That's how we got together I told him about my life and my **OBBESSION** with vampires. And he told me about his days in the civil war he was lead by major jasper Whitlock" she said " his best friend"

" HOLA MES AMIGOS!" I heard a mans voice boom

"MIKE!" jasper and Emmett yelled going to hug him

" I haven't seen you since 1990!"

"THAT'S WHEN I WAS BORN!!" Alexis and me yelled

" Was that like an introduction or something?" jasper asked

"Well," alexis said looking sheepish " yes that and we wanted to ask you guys something."

" Go ahead anything" jasper said

" Me an mike was wondering if we could you know… join… your coven."

" I already asked Carlisle," mike jumped in " he said it was fine but we wanted it to be okay with everybody

"ARE YOU KIDDING," we all screamed

" We'd love to have you here with us." Emmet boomed his voice echoing through out the house

"Alexis?" jasper asked, " Why do you feel so nervous"

" Well Edward mentioned something about a video camera embarrassment and-"

"CULLEN TRUTH OR DARE!!" we all screamed I had the biggest smile on my face we all had to go through it, it was terrible mean crazy and incredible fun.

"Sigh." Alexis said

"Lol who says sigh." Emmet asked

" Who says lol?" she countered

"Touché."

" Well we might as well start." jasper said walking toward the front door"

"Were are we going." Alexis asked

" Wal-Mart of course." Emmett said Alexis looked at me but I just shrugged I was to happy to object with Emmett's dumb ideas I was just so happy

(Insert trip to walmart here where Alexis learns about them and vice versa)

We were outside of walmart when something amazing happened

Al pov

I was totally jazzed. I mean I get a whole new family along with my totally awesome vampire lover I was totally happy. I knew because I kept saying totally I hate that word. I was so happy I didn't notice the crack in the pavement. So as I was doing my little totally rap in my head my body decided to test the gravity and guess what it still works… even if you're a vampire. I closed my eyes preparing for impact when mike caught me and pulled me into a standing position. I didn't want to open my eyes I could hear every one giggling but I opened them anyway.

" Were you trying to get acquainted with the floor?" Emmet asked in-between giggles.

" No actually I was testing gravity," I said with a straight face " it still works" I started to walk in the doors leaving my laughing family outside. When they sobered up they followed me inside some of them still giggling.

" Well since you tripped on your way inside you get to go first," Emmett said

" Fine dare" I said then regretted it as soon as the words came out of my mouth

" I dare you to go over to those emo kids," he pointed to a group of kids dressed in black " and go all crazy god loving nun on them"

" Fine I don't like emo posers anyway" I walked away but I still heard jasper mutter

" Always gotta mess with the emo's"

I giggled as I went to get a bible from the book section I went over to the group of posers. I mean emo's and just stood there staring at them.

"Ummm is there a problem?" one girl asked

" Jesus save them" I whispered

" Excuse me?" she asked

"JESUS SAVE THEM!!" I screamed I pulled a bottle of water and put my thumb over it so all the water didn't run out and started throwing it at them

" What the HELL you FREAK my dads a COP!!" the girl screamed bad move.

"THE BLOOD OF JESUS AGAINST YOU!!" I screamed gaining the attention of everyone in hearing distance. The kids started to run I chased them screaming things like "GODS HATE POSERS!!" and "GOD FEARS NO COPPERS!!" and my favorite I said this as they ran out the door " NO GODS WATER BOTTEL NEVER RUNS OUT!!!!!!" they were out of the store I skipped back to my family they were currently on the floor laughing. After about 3 minutes they all were standing.

" Ummm Alexis?" Emmet asked

" Yes."

" Why do you have a water bottle?"

" I don't wanna get thirsty," I said as if were the most obvious thing in the world this started a whole new round of laughter

" Sweetie" bella said " you do know as a vampire you'll never get thirsty for water right?"

"Oh."

" HEY YOU CRAZY NUN" I turned around the emo girl was standing there with her dad… the cop " DOES GOD STILL FEAR NO COP" I turned around my fam was staring between the girl the cop and I

"Screw it" I said if im going to jail better go out with a bang I threw the half full water bottle at the cop and hit him square in the face

" NOPE" Emmett

" SUCK IT COPPER" me and jasper screamed then we ran like hell at human speed I started to sing

" I think im gonna like it here"

"PLEASE" Emmett said " JUST WAIT ITS ONLY CHRISTMAS WAIT TILL APRIL FOOLS DAY"

Crap

**ok so my life has been unnaturally funny for some reason this is what i did today i made some new friends and they call themselves the magic skittkes were you have to have your own vampier alter ego year of change back drop story and all that ish to join them you have to play skittle truth or dare everything that happned lol please review **

** no review= death by lettus**

** review= fried chicken (lol b4 u ask yup me an alexis are black)  
**


	2. prude

**me: i found a apple that looked like jasper**

**jasper: really**

**me: yup my sister sat on it though it hurt her butt**

**jasper: sorry **

**me: im not now i get to call her AND you apple ass lol **

**jasper: ...**

**me: hahah i own you**

**emmett: no you don't stephanie does (grin)**

**me (throws oranges at emmett) I DIDNT MEAN IT LITERALLY STUPID!!**

**jasper:hes right though you dont own me or..**

**me:(evil face) DONT SAY IT**

**jasper: fine**

**emmett: you DONT own twilight**

**me: EDWARD, EMMETT HAD SEX IN YOUR VOLVO AND ON YOUR PIANO**

**edward: WHAT!!!**

**emmett:shit **

**Al pov**

Edward and me were sitting on our couch. I've been living here for a year now and im trying to get Edward to forgive me for the whole skittle thing

" Not gonna happen," he said

" Why? I didn't do anything that bad."

" Alexis, you tied me up, striped me, and sent pictures to Jessica, Lauren…and mike who now, has a very gay crush on Me." he scrunched up his nose

" Like you don't love having a guy drooling over you," I said grinning.

He just gave me a look.

" O come on the fam told me what you were like before you found bella you mean to tell me you never not ounce felt a little tingle over one of your brothers." I said wiggling my eyebrows.

" Just stop talking, try watching TV," he said not really sounding like he were paying attention. He was watching some cooking show so I decide to watch with him, about five minutes in

" Im bored bro."

" Would you like to play a game?" he wasn't being sarcastic so I answered

" Yup how bout we play mind reader um no pun intended"

" Ha okay how do you play?"

" Its simple we ask each other question and answer as truthfully as we can."

"Alright you go first."

" If you ever had to date a guy who would you and why."

"Ummm I guess Carlisle," he answered

" REALLY why"

" I guess cuz he's so caring he's a great man and I hate to admit it but I've always wanted to know what it would be like to you know…… make love to a guy" I was freaking out Edward was being completely truthful with me, or edging me on either way im keeping this going.

**A POV**

" Everybody stay quiet" I said we were within the hearing distance of our house I had a vision that the rest of the family just had to hear.

" If you ever had to date a guy who would you and why?" Alexis asked as soon as she said this everyone was quiet you could hear a fly fart in Africa….. Um ok disregard that last thought

"Ummm I guess Carlisle." he answered we all looked at Carlisle he had a look of shock across his face

" REALLY why" Alexis was surprised at his answer

" I guess cuz he's so caring, he's a great man and I hate to admit it but I've always wanted to know what it would be like…you know make love to a guy. Carlisle is so gentle I just know it would be great with him" we all watched the shock on Carlisle's face increase but he also looked kinda smug ok eww

**C pov**

HOLY SWAN my son wants to do me. That is so wrong but kinda flattering and awesome he wants to do ME not Emmet or jasper this is a great accomplishment on my part.

**J pov**

I shot a glance at Carlisle that said what the fudge he seamed overly happy about what Edward had said

" Why Carlisle" Emmett said sounding hurt " I can be gentle what im not good enough for the prissy piano playing prude" emmet fumed we all looked at him funny but alexis said

" Okay your turn ask a question"

**AL pov**

" Okay your turn ask a question," I told him

'If you hade to be with some one other than mike who would you be with one boy and one girl please."

" Emmett and Alice." I blurted without thinking he looked at me with shock and a little bit of sadness

" Why?"

" Well for Emmett… I like it rough." I stuttered out

**E pov**

I was shocked

" Really but you and mike are so quiet!"

" Well" she was reluctant to answer and she was blocking her thoughts

" Mike was always a quiet lover he's soft and gentle. I love that but I love to play rough curse and call names, I mean I love the excitement in the whole dirty talk thing. I love mike to death he satisfies me completely and I only love Emmet like a brother and would never steal him from rose." She said in one breath " but when me and Emmett are wrestling I cant help that feeling when he pins me or I pin him when we rub against each other or he "accidentally"(she put up air quotes here) touches me somewhere he's not supposed to its so exciting " she said the longing in her eyes was short lived she shook it off quickly I understood what she was talking about

" And Alice" I asked

" O COME ON" she exclaimed " she's so loud and preppy not to mention violent I bet she's like the sex pixie of fire in the bed" she didn't notice what she said until she saw the look on my face my eyes were wide she put her head down but I grabbed her face and made her look at me I smiled

" Don't be ashamed of what you feel it's only natural" she nodded and I let her go

**A pov**

Holy crap I was stunned my newest sister wanted to do me that is so cool I cant deny my thoughts about her I mean come on she's so pretty even for a vampire I glanced at Emmett he was doing a happy dance over in his corner of the tree he was so jazzed it was high-larious then mike tackled him to the ground yelling " stop happy dancing about my wife and what up with the air quotes around accidentally you be touching on my wife yo" we all laughed forgetting that we were so close to the house jazzy went next to mike

" Yah lil boi don't be playa hatin on ma friends g status back up off his girl before we have to go all invisible ninja on your azile!!" jasper said making gangster hand movements I fell out of the tree laughing

" Well our covers blown" rose said still laughing "so lets go inside"

Emmet was still jazzed about alexis so he danced into the house I couldn't help but also be happy me and Carlisle looked at each other and started to dance into the house with Emmett to the horrified faces of our brother and sister

**M pov**

Not ruff I can be very rough I never knew are you kidding and Emmett who in the WORLD other than ROSE would want to do Emmett

**R pov**

Im not mad at alexis or Emmett its perfectly normal for people to want him and alexis was very pretty so im not mad about that im mad because she picked Alice instead of me I mean come on im

Gorgeous

**J an ES pov**

Idiots.

**A, C an EM pov**

HAHAHA I'm DESIRED

**AL pov**

" Stop happy dancing about my wife" I heard mike yell me and Edward froze I looked out the window I saw Emmett start happy dancing toward the house Alice and Carlisle looked at each and started dancing with him if I wasn't so shell shocked I would laugh cuz they all look like sponge bob in the band episode when he had on his " egger face" rest of the family walked into the house behind them and started to laugh at the looks on me Edwards face it was truly horrible

**E pov**

" So how much of that did you hear" Alexis asked them

" Everything" Emmett and Alice replied

" Everything?" I asked

" Everything" carlile said

" Well im going to take some wrestling classes" mike said as he ran out the door I felt bad for that one

" Im going to learn how to be GENTAL" jasper said and went upstairs toward the computer, Edward felt that one

Carlisle and esme just walked out Carlisle shot a glance at Edward before leaving

" Im going Internet shopping"

**AL pov**

" Im going to lay some pipe in my room would you like to help Alexis?" Emmett asked suggestively he laughed and walked off with rose. Edward and me just looked at each other

" You caused this," he said

" Well at least im not a prissy piano playing-"

**"PRUDE!"** the whole house screamed and erupted in laughter.

(Random fly in africa)

fly:(fart) excuse me

alice" I HEARD THAT

Awkward…

**ok this didnt happen but it came to me last night at about 1:34 i had just finished reading " opps he did it again" a story by me favorite author jasperSAYSrelax128 shes great with the funny stuff and at 1:30 my friend texes me saying ~EMMETT IS AN ASSWAFFLE!!!~ so i texted back ~EDWARD IS A PRISSY PIANO PLAYING PRUDE!!~ an she was like why and at one in the morning this story was born...or rather texted o an she got the ass waffle thing from another one of jasperSAYSrelax128's stories she is very good i love her work anyway please review**

** no review equal= death by chicken (unless you black cuz it says in the bible ~tho shall not kill niggas with chicken~ lol kat willmams)**

** review =jasper and emmett streaking through your frount yard**


	3. christmas paint

**me: fa la la la **

**jasper: what are you doing **

**me: singing**

**emmett: cough badly cough**

**me: your a vampire YOU DONT NEEED TO COUGH **

**jasper: shes right dude**

**me: lets drop it these people have a story to read i own nuthin **

**emmett: cept for the plot**

**me: what he said**

A POV

It's Christmas again and I am pumped. I think this was the most fun I've had shopping for present. I mean how do u buy presents for a family who has everything. Lol speaking of that family where are they? It's pretty quite.

CRASH "HOLY SON OF A…"

Spoke to soon. I ran downstairs and outside to see Emmett fighting with a bunch of Christmas lights. Mike covered from head to toe in tinsel, and jasper laughing his ass off. Nothing-strange here.

" Im going to the store." I said

"Ok." they replied as crazy as they are I love them

B POV

I was running threw the trees with Edward back toward the house.

" Im going to the store." we heard Alexis say

"Ok." jasper mike and Emmett replied

" I wonder what's going on." I say as we break through the trees only to find Emmett fighting with some Christmas lights. Mike covered in tensile, and jasper laughing his ass off.

" HOW DARE YOU GUYS START WITHOUT ME!" Edward yelled out.

"Come help me with these DEVIL LIGHTS!" Emmett yelled out. Edward tensed his body as if to attack and went at the Christmas lights with Emmett. They were going at it pretty hard actually they might break the lights.

"IF YOU BREAKE MY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS YOU WILL SPEND CHRISTMAS PLAYING FIND THAT BODY PART!" we heard Alice scream out from upstairs. Emmett and Edward immediately started to pull softer, which just made jasper laugh harder falling on a board that ironically had some paint on the other side. You'll never guess whom it landed on. SPLAT right on my head it didn't hurt but it left me covered in green paint and since I was wearing my multicolored tights I looked like a Christmas tree Emmett and Edward didn't even look at me mike was trying not to laugh so he want to get finish decorating the tree. I was slightly in shock until jaspers booming laughter broke through my trance. He was leaning against the house clutching his sides trying not to fall again.

" I LOOK LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE!" I shrieked I threw my self at jasper with all my force with ended with us going threw the wall leaving a pretty circular hole in the wall.

" WAS THAT MY WALL!" we heard esme shriek

"SORRY" japer and me yelled. Jasper managed to get up so I did the only thing I could think I ran outside grabbed the pink paint and followed forgetting completely that we were inside. He went to turn so he could avoid another meeting with the wall and I threw the paint all over his front side. He stood there stunned looking at himself I went to get some purple for his other side. As I bent over to pick up the can I felt a sudden rush of wetness hit my butt. I turned around to see jasper with a yellow paint bucket in his hand and a dumb smirk on his face. Before I could even register that my but was yellow…

"Why in GODS NAME am I YELLOW?!" Edward yelled

"Jasper did it," I yelled.

" What" was all jasper could get out before Edward pelted him in baby blue. I was still bending over my hand on the purple paint and jasper was behind me so when Edward threw the baby blue I got covered as well.

"Love im am so…" he couldn't finish I pelted him in purple.

"Its ok." I said.

"Alice and rose came downstairs to see what all the yelling was about Alice stopped dead in her tracks

"MY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS"

"CRAP" was all anyone could say before Alice the evil was unleashed

APOV

I came home from the store I bought some paint so we could re decorate our rooms I was walking when I saw the house it was covered in different colors it looked like some hippies were all like peace to he world on our house also there was a circular hole in the front of the house looked like another pant war. With the exception of Emmett he was still fighting with the Christmas lights despite the fact that he was still covered in paint, and his family was murdering each other in the house. I gripped my bags more firmly and went threw the hole. I saw my family they were all running around throwing paint at each other. They noticed me come in threw the hole and all stopped dead in their tracks to stare at me.

"Sooooooooooo what did I miss" i asked

"nothing much" alice replied

"you guys know that its only 7:25 right?"

" yup" they all replied

i walked yup to my room shaking my head they destoryed the house

"AND ITS STILL EARLY" edward heard reading my mind sigh its gonna be a rough day

**lol so replace house with garage and wall with window you got a fairly human morning ill post perodically today and tommorrow kk bye and pleas review tell me if you love or hate it**


	4. OMZ

ok ok dont kill me ive been busy going crazy over naruto and avatar the last air bender reading stories and such i just wanted to remind you guys that everthing that happnes in theis stories happnes in real life just its more human me and my twilight family just hike it up to vampire standers

my twilight bro emmett wrote this chapter as will he write the next chapter i own nothing not avatr TLA or twilight i only own my familys actions and my own lol enjoy

**APOV**

I walked upstairs to take a shower I felt really dirty walking in this paint-covered thing that I call a home.

**EMPOV**

I just don't get it. What does mike see in Alexis I mean yah she's very pretty but still…

"Im bored." I announced

"Good for you." jasper said

" Would you like a cookie?" mike finished for him

" Shut up hey turn on the TV for me." jasper turned on the TV and avatar was on

" OMZ THIS IS MY SHOW!" I screamed out it was the episode when Aang and zuko went to poke around the sun warrior place.

"Aang is such a girl." jasper said

" Yah him and zuko would make a cute couple." mike said crap I knew where this was going.

" TO !" japer screamed

" TALLI HO!" mike screamed "we are going to the library look after Alexis." he said on his way out the door

" Sure sure." I said quoting my favorite werewolf speaking of him I wonder if him Leah Seth and nessie were still on their double date. Since nessie and jake don't imprint romantically they got divorced and nessie went with Seth. Great how these things just work right?

"It's Christmas in Hollywood 

Santa's back up in the hood 

So meet me under the mistletoe lets f***

 It's Chanukah in Inglewood 

The dradles spinning in the hood 

So meet me by the manura lets get drunk" I hear Alexis singing in the shower as she turned off the facet. She dried, dressed and was downstairs in three seconds

"Hey emm-OMZ AVATAR!" Alexis screamed as she sat next to me/

" You like avatar?" I asked one eyebrow raised

" Well since my power is influence over the four elements you could say that I feel a slight connection to the show." she said making a small fireball in her hand not ounce taking her eyes away from the TV screen.

" Who's your favorite character?" I asked

" Zuko." she answered

" Why?" I asked

" Because he's the sexiest person in the imaginary would he's even sexier than dare I say it…" she hitched her breath " gaara" she said.

" Omz Alexis REALLY!" I asked. Alexis has been in love with gaara since the show started she dumped all her other celebrity crushes for this cartoon character.

" Yup." she replied after a slight hesitation

" Well then I guess we just have to go see them." I said the fireball in her hand went out and she stood up and screamed out

REALLY" I nodded the biggest grin on my face she stopped for a second.

" Them?"

"Yup im taking you to the four nations and the village of the sand" I said very happy with my self " merry Christmas."

She screamed so loud that the windows all cracked. She jumped onto me still screaming and started kissing me all over my face.

"Well what's going on in here?" asked mike who was still not very happy with me since the whole mind reader incident. Alexis didn't even notice the unhappy look on his face

"EMMETT'S TAKING ME TO SEE GAARA AND ZUKO FOR CHRISTMAS" she screamed jumping up and down mike looked at me questioning me.

" I've always loved the two shows and I figured with Alexis powers no one will other us." I said getting more excited by the word by the end I was jumping up and down just like Alexis. Mike took out his cell phone.

" Calling all Cullen's its time for the Emmy and lexie show." The whole family was there in about 5 seconds.

" What's going on this time??" bella asked.

" Were going to see GAARA AND ZUKO!" Alexis and me screamed still bouncing

"All right how?" that made Alexis stop bouncing and look at me head cocked to the side

" With Aang's flying bison." I said taking out the whistle Aang gave me last time went there. That started Alexis bouncing again then she stopped

" Where did you get that?"

She asked.

" We've been there before alexis." I said she screamed and I blew the whistle then we heard appa outside in a second or two. Alexis's eyes went wide when she heard it.

" Hey the Cullen house." Aang said Alexis couldn't even scream

We all ran outside.

" Hey Aang" I said, " Is zuko with you guys?"

" Hey Emmett" zuko said at the sight of him Alexis screamed and fainted I had to catch her.

" Wow" zuko said surprise on his face

"Did anyone else know that vampires could faint?" sokka (my computer corrected it sock) asked

"Its just alexis she's special"

"How" Aang asked

" Well her vampire power is she can control the four elements but she spends most of her time on fire in honor of sparkly over here" I said gesturing over at zuko. He blushed

" Whoo hoo go my nick name" toph yelled out " what's up fang boy?"

"Nothing much glasses girl"

Toph just laughed.

" What up with you zuko you've been very quite since lexie passed out at the site of you." mike said the jealousy in his voice was overbearing Alexis started to wake up.

"Omz my head." Alexis said standing up straight.

"Omz?" zuko asked.

"Oh my zuko." she replied without thinking then promptly put her hand on her mouth and proceeded to faint again this time zuko caught her.

" Well hi there" he said still holding her " im zuko what's your name?" Alexis's eyes were so wide it was kinda starting to worry me.

" Im alexis people call me lexie," she breathed out

" That's a very pretty name lexie." we all hitched our breath NOBODY that she didn't know well called her lexie but she just giggled.

" Thanks I like your name also"

"Alexis would you mind if I call you taka?"

" Not at all" she replied staring into his beautiful golden eyes

" Hey guys did you forget about mike and mai?" I asked

" Who?" they both replied looking at me then they remembered and they moved apart but only slightly.

"Sorry" they both muttered.

"Ha" I said.

" Shut up" said Alexis still looking at zuko.

" What did I-"

" I could've sworn I just told you to shut up," she said.

" Hey zuko" mike said" wanna come with us to see gaara so me and you can go see our competition" he asked.

" Our??" zuko said.

" Lexie is my girlfriend" mike stated. Things were starting to get tense.

Who wants to get on appa and see gaara?" I said.

" ME!" Alexis screamed forgetting about zuko for a second running onto appa. Me zuko and mike got on with her.

" Anyone else wanna come" I asked they shook their heads.

"Yip yip" I said and appa took.

" Were going to see GAARA," I said which resulted in Alexis screaming again.

" LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO" Alexis screamed bouncing up and down next to me this should be interesting.

**so what do you guys think i know it sucked but it happned on christmas eve emmett took me to these convections and it just got away from me and i know what your thinking emmett said im bored and no one got injured just wait ( i resent that)- that was emmett lol i love them till the next time **

**review and show the love everyone who replies gets a itachi smile ^/_\^**


	5. sorry

Ok I am so sorry ppl the current writer of this story was being an idiot and got into a fight which resulted in him being shot t so this story Is kinda on hold until hes outta the cast but it doesn't seam like I have many reader so I might just delete it what do you guys think you guys got a week to convince me of your love if there is any


	6. pixie sticks

**since the emmett is in the hospitle and he wont let me finish the trip to the sand village were sidetracking fasttforward i dont own anything here we go**

**PS thanks to Were-Vampire101 ill keep going with the story i need some more reviews ppl. i love that ppl favorited and gots alerted thingys on my story but i need love too please for the sake of the sake( japenese alchol) review**

**Alexis POV**

I'm so bored right now everyone except Alice and me went hunting. I was using my air bending to put cd's in the radio. Im just thinking about how much I missed Mi-

"LEXIE COME DOWN STAIRS" Alice screamed interrupting my thoughts. What now I wondered as I got off the bed I really didn't feel like getting up huh im such a lazy vampire.

"What" Alice I asked when I got downstairs

"Look at what I found" she said holding up a box of pixie sticks and Hershey bars as if she just got the Nobel Prize.

"I remember those," I exclaimed "pixie sticks were the only candy that could get me sugar high." I said thinking about the good old days when I could eat stupid nonmoving vampire body.

"Lets eat some and see what happens." she said

" Pixie did you forget that your physic?" I asked " plus were vampires wouldn't we have to just choke it up later?" I asked just then a tiny fairy came threw our window and threw some dust on us

" I am the miracle fairy this dust makes you able to eat…"

"TALKING FLY" Alice screamed she crushed it with her hands and then threw it out the window.

" ANYWAY," she said, " do you wanna eat em?" she asked

" Sure why not" I said taking some candy

I took a pink one and a Hershey so did Alice we ate them. After a few seconds Alice and me felt it. To this day I can't explain what it felt like exactly. Imagine you just won a million dollars and a lifetime supply of energy drinks. Then you drink all of them and spend all the money on candy and eat that to. Take that feeling and multiply it times a million and you still wont feel the hyper that me and Alice felt. I looked at Alice she felt it to her eyes were wide and she started to bounce slightly. I could see the sparks of sugar bouncing up and down in her eyes. I needed more WE needed more me and Alice were like one person moving at the exact same time grabbing the candy box and digging in like never before. We ate everything in the house that was eatable. Except each other because that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. I saw Alice smirk through my sugary haze. She was having the same thought we were one hyper ball of fun and energy. All hell broke loose in the house

**Edwards's pov**

"You guys read to go" I asked we had left bella and Alice at home alone and I was starting to miss my sisters and I was worried about what they would do to the house without us their

"YUP" they replied in union

"Lets go home then" we just finished hunting and I was thinking about, the great skittle war that happened in our house. It was alexis idea of course but Emmett and jasper totally helped her with it they ambushed me. We were home but as soon as we got to the front door we stopped dead in our tracks.

"You guys have a feeling something bads happening inside," I asked

"Yes" they said

"Well lets see come on"

Esme opened the door and screamed OM MY GOD

When I look in I was shocked because I saw………

**I kno short shitty cliffie but im not sure if I should keep it going I have some great ideas And I want to know what u guys think reviews are a nice way to show u care so please push that little button**


	7. use PERIDOS

**me: dont murder me ok i was not in control of this story the other idiots were so if i still have any fans please enjoy your selves**

**naruto: please like you had fans in the forst place**

**emmett: burn **

**me: see this is why your not in any of my stories**

**naruto: but what about that new story your working on about...**

**me and emmett: shut up**

**sasuke: sup**

**me: what the hell didnt i bolt the deminsion jumping door**

**sasuke: im a NINJA for god sakes **

**me :what ever i dont own**

**naruto: she not smart enough to**

**me you little(jumps at him)**

**sasuke: she own nothing**

**emmett: idint know someones leg could bend that far back**

**sasuke: naruto gonna need surgery for that **

**ounce again my inner self took over enjoy speical thanks to mattyxmeals and Were-Vampire101 my favorite ( and possible only) fans**

Edpov

It was the remains of a battlefield it was… wait I should probably tell you what it looked like first of all of the furniture have been removed. So the girls were smart enough to not get them messed up. The wolves were here scattered around the ground floor of our house looking around I could see jake, Seth, embery, quill, Sam, Leah, and a few others. I couldn't see their face properly. I walked over to one of the wolves and touched his? Her? Its face and wiped with two fingers. They had some gooey red stuff on their face. I knew it wasn't blood for obvious reasons but still I had to check. Examining the sticky stuff I could see it was candy. The sticky Willy wonka sour stuff (I love that stuff). I looked up to see that my family was surrounding me all staring at me to see what was going on.

" Its… candy…. Jasper what the hell happened here"

" What why me?" he questioned

" Well this looks like the remains of a battle can you guess what happened?'

" I can try," he said before darting off to look around the house

" Lets get the wolves outside and spray them with some water." carslie said we all nodded grabbing a wolf and bring them outside some of us more gently than other cough rose cough. We got them outside I picked u the hose but esme took it from me. I was about to say something when I saw this crazy gleam in her eyes esme was mad.

ESPOV

What the hell happened to my house it was perfectly clean when I left and I come back to find these idiots on the floor ALL STICKY. I cant believe it this is CRAZY I grabbed the hose from Edward he was about to protest but he saw the look in my eyes he stopped smart boy. I turned the house on high and made sure it was freezing cold,

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPNED TO MY HOUSE DAMNIT." I kept it on till I heard some one cough I turned it off to see Seth Clearwater drowning. I dropped the house and walked over to him grabbing him by the color of his shirt,

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPNED TO MY HOUSE" The fear in his eyes was over powering his cornet thought. I knew he wouldn't be able to talk. I let go of him and walked over to carslie.

"What happened to my house" I gave him a look that told him talk or die when jasper came back.

" I think I can answer that"

" No I want Seth to…"

" Mother he fainted" I looked over only to see that jasper was right

"Well" I demanded, " what happened to my house."

EPOV

I was curious to hear that answer as well

"From what I can tell Alice found some candy and ate it. They seamed to then become hyper or have what we call a sugar rush. That's all I could get from the house. I have no idea how the wolfs got here or where they got the candy OR the ability to eat it." Jasper finished

" I think I can clear this up" we all looked for the source of the sound but could find none.

" Over here" I looked toward the candy-covered windowsill to see the miracle fairy we all groaned every time she come here something bad happens.

" Why are you here Trish." carslie asked her.

" Welllll" she started " I was going to lapush when I heard Alexis and Alice talking about eating candy I went to give the ability to eat and when I was telling them about what not to do the idiot Alice screamed "TALKING FLY" and hit me" She took a big breath " Alice threw me out the window by time I regained consciousness and flew up to the window they had eaten everything in the house and they put the furniture in the basement I figured they were going to destroy the house and didn't want to hurt the furniture." Another big breath "I went to tell the wolfs what happened and asked them to stop it They didn't the pack went to wal-mart and emptied the candy isle then they raced back to the house with the candy Alice and Alex or should I say skittle and starburst demanded they got all the candy the wolves said no and allhellbrokelose ." trish finished before passing out Emmett stood in front of her

" And this my dear children is what happen when you type without periods" we laughed

" Where are skittle and starburst?" we heard jake ask in a raspy voice

" No idea" I said " where was the last place you saw them?"

" They were saying something in riddle form it was like

To awesome for forks

To cool for sporks

We want honey

More than we want money

So hurry up dummy

And come fill my tummy

Then they took off in your chimney which I didn't know was possible" jake finished trying to gulp up some air

" USE PERIDOS." Emmett screamed at the sky

" NEVER" the sky screamed back

" Damn teenage fanfic writers." rose mumbled

" Can we try and find my wife and sister now." mike asked

"Sure." esme said the wolves stood up

" We can help." Leah said

" Oh your all going to help," esme said in a cheery voice" AFTER YOU CLEAN UP MY HOUSE." esme screamed

"Some one get the mop" Emmett grumbled.

**trish: u made me pass out**

**me and emmett: yah it was funny**

**sasuke: come on we have to go to te bank and pay for narutos hospitle bill**

**trish: review for the sake of ...chocolate? what the hell**

**me: hey if u cant beat em join em**

**reviews= faster updates**

**no reviews = death by squril**


	8. lol just lol man

**me: okay i cant be blamed i had this chapter finished last saturday my internet was down but now its back WOOOOOOO**

**Naruto: psh freak...**

**sasuke: your one to talk **

**me : no time to argue my 2 fans have been waiting for this lol i love my fans and people who aren't my fans i love everyone in this beuatiful magical world**

**emmett: you are SO not hanna montana**

**lol i own nothing to the story**

MPOV

The house was clean. No, that was an underestimate it was immaculate. The floor sparkled, the couches and TV were back in place. The walls had a fresh coat of paint. The walls that we had broken had a nice plaster finish, and the house was clean. Which was all esme wanted.

"Soooooooooooo can we find my wife and sister now?" jasper asked

" I second the question." I commented esme looked around

" Okay go ahead." she walked upstairs just as jake was coming down

" To find the girls I think we need to figure out what the riddle means," he said

" Okay Jacob what was the riddle" Edward asked, "I want to write it down."

"To awesome for forks,

To cool for sporks,

We want honey,

More than we want money.

So hurry up dummy

And come fill my tummy." Jacob recited like a kid saying his ABC'S.

" Okay well lets break it down," Edward said

" Well the to awesome for forks thing is obvious" bella said "but the sporks think kinda throws me off"

"Well..."rose started.

" WHENEVER IT RAINED ALEXIS WOULD SAY I HATE SPORKS" Emmett shouted which is a dumb thing to do in a room full of vampires we all winced.

" Lets use our inside voice" rose said Emmett managed to look sheepish.

"Sorry."

" He was right about the sporks thing though," I said

" So what their to cool for rain" rose asked.

" Yah their probably going somewhere extremely dry" Edward said.

" Maybe a desert?" Rose asked.

" Or the moon" Emmett said we all turned slightly so he could see our expressions. We were all identical masks except for the fact that I looked better than everyone here Emmett saw the looks we were giving him and decided he had to explain himself which is never a good idea

" Yah know... cuz… the moon doesn't… have any weather… and…im gonna stop talking now."

"Wise choice" Jacob said " so a desert maybe the Sahara?"

" Or Death Valley" Emmett said.

" Not skittle and starburst" Leah said " they would need someplace that's kinda boring at day but lively at night" we all looked at her strange how did she know so much about them "what I cant know things about my good friends?"

" It may have something to do with the fact that you stalk them." Seth said as he walked past we all gaped at her.

"Leah…. Is…that…true?" bella tried and failed to comprehend what Seth had said. Leahs face turned bright bella red (1)

" Don't judge me." Leah stalked away mumbling "Jake can imprint on a newborn baby decide he doesn't like her that way move on to his beta and nobody bats an eyelash but when it come to being a stalker…"

" ACKWARD" the sky yelled.

"Stay out of this story" Emmett said to the ceiling.

" Im gonna come get you one day" the sky mumbled.

"Whatever" Emmett said "anyway backs to Alice and Alexis."

" What he said" Sam called out as he came running up to us.

" Ok well next they say I want honey more than I want money."

" Well they wants a place with sweets that's dry." Bella said then they started to make suggestions I was going to comment but then I noticed the look on Emmett's face uh oh Emmett was thinking again.

EMPOV

Everyone started to think together. You know make different suggestions which in my family was them all ABOUT to say something but Edward reading their thoughts and disregarding it. So I normally kept my thoughts to myself. Lets review shall we the poem or riddle rather is too awesome for forks, to cool for sporks, we want honey, More than we want money. So hurry up dummy and come fill my tummy. Well we already figured out what the first couple of lines mean. So we want to figure out the rest cuz their not gonna get it with Edward being all prissy piano playing superior, right?

" Yes Emmett" skittleAcullen said

" So you're the author where did they go?"

" I can't tell you but I can give you a hint."

"Okay well the we know that they want someplace with candy that's dry. It has to be dull at day but lively at night when they can go outside right?"

"Yes Emmett very good" skittle said, " Now you know your sisters can you think of a place like that that they would want to go." I had to think for a moment then I got it

" Las vagest." I thought

" That's not how you spell it but okay, Very good Emmett you get a cookie." just then a cookie fell from the sky into my hands the family was still arguing with each other so they didn't notice. Well mike did but at the moment he wasn't very important.

" But I cant eat cookies" I thought the cookie turned into a glass of lamb blood the family noticed as I drank it all they stopped to look at me.

"Emmett" rose said slowly " what are you drinking"

" Umm bella? (1)" I said but it came out sounding like a question jasper and mike got it and started laughing rose slapped me and bella hid her face in Edwards shirt probably wishing she could disappear.

" Ow Rosie why did you hit me"

" Cuz you beg for it" Seth said as he walked past again everyone started laughing I just pouted my family was so mean.

BPOV

When we all calmed down from our laughing fit I looked at Emmett

" Where did the blood come from?" I asked

" The author gave it to me" Emmett said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world

" Okayyyyyyy why did the author give you a glass of blood?" I asked

" Cuz I know where the girls are" now he gets smart

" Where Emmett" jasper asked

" Las vagus DUH"

"That's not how you spell it either Emmett" skittle said in his mind

"That makes sense," Edward said

"Emmett you're a genius" jasper said

" Thank you very much" Emmett said

* * *

**SACPOV (skittleAcullen POV)**

**Me: Did they just call Emmett a genius that has to be changed**

**Naruto: well he's Emmett he'll probably mess up on his own**

**Sasuke: yah he certainly doesn't need your help to screw things up**

**Emmett: I resent that (pout)**

**Me: don't worry I know you can be smart**

**Everyone: le gasp**

**Emmett: well I guess I just have to prove you wrong**

**Me: o really**

**Emmett: really ~LE POOF =P~**

**Me: and that's how you have to do it**

**Gaara: props**

**Me: props accepted**

**Sasuke: shouldn't we get back to the story?**

**Me: ~LE POOF~**

* * *

Back to the story BPOV

Emmett walked off toward the kitchen with a disgruntled but smug look you know one of those I'll show you looks I could say something but that would require energy so I let it go. (AN: which is what I say when I see someone cheating in class =p) We all sat down on the chairs jasper and mike on the couch, rose lying across both of them. Edward on the loveseat and me on the floor at his feat like a puppy. Edward played with my hair something that calmed me even when I was human. All the worries I had about whatever havoc Alice and Alex were causing flowed down the river of my conscious. As Edward played with my hair brushing it down with his hand I calmed. I didn't even hear what the boys were talking about when I was sitting with Edward I was content. The world could have ended and I wouldn't of minded. Because me sitting here with Edward surrounded by my family was my little piece of heaven nothing could ruin this moment.

" ESME THE KITCHENS ON FIRE" Emmett screamed I sighed and then the most chilling thought came to me.

" Edward?"

"Yes love?'

" How are we supposed to go to the air port with Emmett?" Edwards face crumpled and a scared look came across his face

"Oh my" Edward said, " That might be a problem"

**me: lol funny right **

**naruto: if you didnt get the first bella joke its tlkin bout how bellas face is always red **

**sasuke:and the second one is about bella being the lamb and edward being the pansy...erm i mean lion**

**me:XD**

**edward:shun**

**me&naruto:O_o**

**sasuke:(sweat drop) what was that **

**edward: SHUN**

**SASUKE:O_o NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO( fades into the darkness)**

**me: lol**

**naruto: lol review for the sake of skittles birthday tommorow**

**me: i expect birthday messages and reviews**

**sasuke: yah**

**naruto: didnt you fade into the dakness?**

**sasuke: yah i just enden up in my emo corner**

**me:O_o thats enough**

**emmett:~LE PO0F~**


	9. those poor people

**me: plase dont eeat me i have been delayed by a series of unfortunate events first i got grounded then i got ungrounded then report cards came then a week later just when i got off my mom foud out about my facebook and now im still not allowed to be on but i feel as tho youve waited long enough**

**naruto: yup even i feel bad for you guys and im not eeven in this story**

**me: let me guess i forgot to lock the door**

**naruto: as always**

**emmett: youve made these people suffer long enough to the story

* * *

**

Bpov

Ok I am seriously worried Emmett has been seriously quiet every since he set the kitchen on fire. I've been put on Emmett duty I remember the conversation as if it happened 1 hour ago.

FLASH BACK

"Okay who has to keep Emmett watch?" jasper asked.

" Don't you mean who gets stuck on Emmett watch?" mike asked.

"That to" jasper said.

" How should we decide?" rose asked.

" Rock paper scissors?" the ceiling suggested.

" Good idea great voice from above" mike said.

" Great voice from above?" the ceiling mused, "I could get used to that"

" Rock paper scissors it is" Edward said, " Who goes first?"

" OH OH OH me and bella" mike said jumping up and down like a small child (I love similes =P).

" Sure" I said mike and me stood in front of each other.

" Winner has to face the rest of us for custody of Emmett" jasper said

" So technically the winner loses?" I asked

" Looks like it" mike said he put his hand into a fist and put the fist on his open palm I did the same.

" Rock" mike said

" Paper" I said

" Scissors" mike said

" Says" I- oh you get the gist

"SHOOT" we both, yelled he had rock and I had… paper

" YES" mike yelled and then proceeded to do the worm in the middle of the living room

" My turn" rose said we then repeated the process but this time I had paper and she had rock

"WOOO" she yelled then she went over to where mike was STILL doing the worm and did some hip swivels with the occasional pelvic thrust it was Edwards turn he wouldn't make me watch Emmett. Would he? He smiled at me.

" Sorry love" we then started to repeat the intricate process of rock paper scissors with me having rock and Edward having…. Scissors.

"YES" Edward screamed and went to go join his dancing siblings he did the running man between the worm the pelvic thrust and the running man maybe Emmett wouldn't be the only one who needed to be baby-sat.

" Omg" Emmett said " DANCE PARTY" Emmett went over to them and did that thing were you plug your nose and wave your arm wile your going down to the floor.

Somebody save me.

END FASHBACK

"BELLA" Emmett screamed shaking me we were at the airport now and it was just Emmett and me in the car.

" Are you okay?" Emmett asked he seamed worried

" Im okay"

" Is bella okay?" Edward asked.

" Its all gud" Emmett said making two peace sings and crossing his arms Edward just chuckled and walked into the airport I followed him and Emmett followed me.

" Our plane is delayed" mike said.

" Great what do we do now?"

" Truth or dare" the roof said everyone in the airport stooped and looked at the ceiling shocked.

" Good idea" I said " who first?"

" Me me me me ME! " Emmett yelled.

" Okay" I said " Emmett truth or dare?" I asked already knowing the answer.

" Pssh dare " Emmett said.

"Fearless as always" jasper said " I can feel bellas mood this is gonna be good." A scared look comes across Emmett's face as he takes in my evil smirk.

" Emmett I dare you to streak threw the airport screaming I AM FROM THE FUTURE," I said earning some funny looks from people who heard me. The looks were directed at my siblings as they were on the floor laughing so hard that if they could they'd be crying.

" Fine" Emmett said, " wait here" and he went to take off his clothes and streak.

" AT REGULAR SPEED" I screamed after him and heard him curse earning a higher octave of laughter from my family I went to sit on the chair waiting for them to calm down and for Emmett to come by sporting the family jewels

" That was so mean" rose said getting off the floor

" I was bored" I shrugged

" But did you have to make…."Edward never got to finish because at that moment we head a woman shrike at the other end of the airport

" Let the games begin" I said and we rushed toward the noise just like everyone else only to see a very naked Emmett running past us screaming

" I AM FROM THE FUTURE" we would've followed if we didn't fall to the floor laughing to the point where I actually felt a pain in my side I have no idea how long we were laughing but we only stopped because of a voice

" Excuse me but I think this belongs to you" we looked up to see a police officer holding Emmett hand.

" Sorry officer" jasper said, " wont happen again"

" Better not" the officer said he walked away grumbling

"That wasn't funny" Emmett hissed when the officer was out of earshot "now its my turn!" that stopped our laughing we all stared at Emmett as an evil smile creped on his face "bella?" he said " truth or dare?" the tone he said it in made it clear that dare was the only real choice

"Dare?" I said making it a question.

" I dare you to go…"

" HEY GUYS" Jacob yelled even though he was about five feet from us the smile on Emmett's face got bigger if that was possible and there was an impish glint in his eyes

" The flight has been delayed were playing truth or dare you guys in?"

" Duh" Leah said

" Its bellas turn you came just in time to hear her dare which I just changed"

WITH SKITTLE AND STARBURST (Alice and alexis)

We were sitting on the bed when all of a sudden Alice got a blank look on her face I went and touched her face to transfer her vision into me. In a matter of seconds we were on the floor the candy coated floor since were describing things

"Bella is soooooooooooo screwed!" Alice got out between chokes of air

" I almost wish I was there to see it in person" poor poor bella.

Narrator's pov

BACK TO THE IDIOTS

"Ok bella" Emmett said, " I dare you to…" he went up to her and whispered in her ear when he stepped away her face was a mask of terror.

" Not if you threaten to kill me," she said in a voice so mixed with emotion everyone became much more curious.

"What is it" jake asked.

" Emmett wants me to-"

" FLIGHT 107 TO LAS VAGES IS NOW BORDING"

" SWEET VICTIOY" bella screamed grabbing her bag and running to the terminal

" What no" Emmett said " REVENGE WILL BE MINE!!" he screamed grabbing his bag and running after bella.

" What was the dare?" Leah asked

" We may never know" jasper said grabbing his bag and walking after his to crazier siblings with mike right behind him.

" Come on" Edward said" maybe you guys will get lucky and Emmett wont want to crash the place" rose sighed.

" Those poor people" she said she and Edward walked off toward the plane the wolves looked at each other.

" Who wants to go home?" Seth said already walking toward the front door

" Wait for me bro" Leah said running after him with the rest of the pack following.

BPOV

I cant believe I got out of it what a lucky break I thought Emmett was really gonna make me do that terrible, terrible thing. But whatever we were on the plane now waiting for the plane to take off it was me sitting next to Edward Emmet sitting next to rose behind us and jasper sitting in the row across from us with mike. All in all we were a pretty good rescue team

" Edward can I crash the plane now?" Emmett asked

" For goodness sakes Emmett were not even in the air yet," Edward said overwhelmed I sighed well we weren't half bad.

* * *

**me: so what do you thinnk**

**naruto: its terrible right**

**me: -_- **

**sasuke: review for the sake of... ~blush~ im not going to say that**

**emmett:=} **

**me: it cant be that... oh oh my never mind just review first to review gets to know what emmett wanted the card to say**


End file.
